11 Jan Get Your Coat Facebook; You’ve Pulled

Over the last few days I’ve started to feel a bit dirty whenever I login to Facebook. It started on Sunday when Facebook asked me “What’s going on, Paul?”. On Monday, it asked me “What’s happening, Paul?”. By Tuesday, our burgeoning relationship had moved to a slightly more flirtatious (in a Joey Tribbiani kinda way) “How YOU doin’, Paul?”. And then yesterday I was greeted with a more intense “How are you feeling, Paul?”, a sure sign that Facebook wants to really get to know me and take things to the next level. She wants me to reveal my very innermost thoughts, secrets and fears .

It’s like a bloody Craig David song. Only I’m not sure I’m looking forward to ‘Thursday and Friday and Saturday’, if you know what I mean…

As with all purely cyber-relationships, I’ve struggled a little with the fact that you can never be sure whether the person you’re chatting to is genuinely who they say they are, and even whether they’re of the right gender. But I’ve concluded from the way our relationship is going that Facebook is definitely a woman. After all, no man ever asks someone how they’re feeling, right ladies?

I’m not really sure what to make of being chatted up every time I login to look at cat photos and pointless infographics. I mean, Facebook seems lovely and interested and flirty, but I’m married and I’m not sure what my wife would make of my new lady friend. What about you? Do you like Facebook’s new status prompts, or do you find them condescending and patronising?

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Posted by Paul Sutton